Tears from my heart

“Language has created the word loneliness to express the pain of being alone, and the word solitude to express the glory of being alone”.

Who could have thought everything will end up like this? Before, it was so easy. Joking and laughing around just like the sun and the air, a healthy common pair. But now, everything’s already twisted, terrible and heart-breaking. I may use the word “alone” but that doesn’t even cover to what I feel right now. I may smile and kid around but behind those is a torn heart critically coping up even though bit by bit nothing’s left already to patch it up. I sometimes wonder, “Why did things turn out this way?”. Can’t the fate put up a perfect happy puzzle for me? Can’t it give the missing single piece that can be considered as a thing that can complete me? Then can I call my friends? maybe they can help me out and share a drink with me called “loneliness”? haha. Silly me. How selfish of me to think of that way. Them? Sharing with my loneliness? I tell you, it’s better to drink it alone. For without them, you can be drunk the whole night without any interruptions. You can mope and sob the whole night without giving any headache to anyone. I may be like this but what choice do I have? I don’t have someone to turn to. I can have friends but I’m not even sure if they will be there for me ’till the end. For the truth is, friendship isn’t just about being inseperable, it’s about being separate and knowing that nothing will change. Please, don’t get me wrong I didn’t say that as a way to hurt you. You know it also pains me when you’re hurt but please accept my difference between your ways and mine. Please make me understand you so as not to cut you open because everything isn’t just about how you forget but the way you forgive, it is not the way we listen but how we understand each other, it is not the way we see each but how we feel for each other and lastly it is not how we let go but the way we hold on to this friendship of ours. But if you choose to let go of me, expect me waiting for you on that dark alley where you found me remembering the past of how it used to be. I will be there reminiscing the happiest moments in my life where we built our own world and killing time with you and from there I can give you my best smile that may grow brighter and brighter only for you. And from what we have, it may be the hardest thing in the world to explain but mind you it’s something I can be proud of.

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